Weird Place
Ok for like the last two months I've been in the weirdest place in my life. I swear I'm going through some kind of schizophrenia or something. Ok actually it's probably just part of growing up and learning to trust God and stuff but here let me explain. I feel like I really am sick of being a teenager and I'm totally sick of where I'm at in my life. It's not that I wish I had gotten more acomplished by this time or anything like that, it's just that I'm ready to start something else, some different time in my life or something. I know you're not suppose to wish your life away, so I'm not doing that. I'm learning to just trust God with my life and rely on Him when I'm in a pessimistic mood. It's actually been really cool. Like this is where I feel schizophrenic because I'm all unsettled feeling, and totally wanting to not be where I am in life, and then all of a sudden I get all excited about what God's doing and I'm really glad that He's using this time to get intimate with me. I know...it sounds really weird to me too. Like tonight for example, I had youth group and the worhip was really good for me personally. I was really able to get close to God and just talk to Him about some stuff and things like that. And also some people who I never really thought God would use in my life, spoke some cool things to me so that was pretty neat. And then at the same time it wasn't that great of a time because weird things happened between me and other people. Maybe God's teaching me to not let circumstances affect me so much. That seems to be the theme of my life right and it's not the easiest thing for me to learn obviously. It's kinda like I need to learn to find my joy and happiness in God and trust Him. Honestly that's when I am happiest and feel the more free. Like when I'm in worship and stuff. Maybe I need to learn that now because of things that are going to come in my life. See it's thoughts like that that make me really want to be at that next part. It could very well be that I'm getting to the age where I'm almost an adult and so I'm longing for the transition because that's what's coming next in my life. This is probably all very natural things to be dealing with, but it's all very confusing and I can't say that I'm enjoying it. Oh well, I know that no matter what I'm going through or how confused I get God is someone that I can always count on to help me through it all. He's really been proving that to me lately. I honestly don't know what I do if I didn't have Him in my life. For the first time I can actually say that He is my rock and He is the one that keeps me going in life. Not that I'm always depressed or that my life is crap...it's nothing like that. It's just when I'm having a total downer day He's always there to help me and lift me back up. And what's really cool is that He always ends up giving me this undescribable joy that only He can give me and I end up so much better after chatting with Him. Ok I know this entry is kinda all over the place but it's my way of processing some things tonight I guess.